Lake having a snack before bedtime: I keep eating… like a baby dinosaur!

Later during the tuck-in, after our “songs (Katie, Twinkle, Baby Boats, Lake-Bake, and Chin Song) and a cuddle”, and a kiss (only on the lips Mama)…

Mama: have a blessed sleep, my love.

Lake: What does ‘blessed’ mean?

Mama: Wrapped up in the safety and grace of God, and God is love so it means sleeping all wrapped up in a cloud of love.

He was quiet, taking that in. I think he liked it.

Lake is learning new words every day. He still says ointmeal for oatmeal but he no longer says hopspital. Now he clearly enunciates hospital. He maintains a mild interest in speaking German. “How do you say that ‘very’?”

Sehr.

“Ich liebe dich sehr viel.”

“Ich liebe dich auch sehr viel, Lake.”

Lake is four years old. He’s growing so tall and charming. They both are! Lady Kitty is nearly four months old already! Blessed be.

It’s been an interesting year so far, to say the least, with many new developments. First, I was pregnant, then there was Lady Kitty; then there was a pandemic induced government issued stay-at-home order, then there was racial violence by police triggering demonstrations for BLM and racial equity. It puts things in perspective and makes you stop worrying if your stomach is lumpy. So what? Wear clothes that are flattering and feel good, do a plank and forgettaboutit. Get on with your dharma, and the important work of making the world a better place.

So in the backdrop of “There’s a lot going on” it was about time for me to adjust my wardrobe to keep up. I don’t mean adjusting my wardrobe of what I was wearing, I mean re-organizing my literal Ethan Allen wardrobe. It was time for my wardrobe to honestly reflect these times. It was time for radical acknowledgement and acceptance of what’s currently what. I’m wearing a lot of black maternity yoga pants as a starter. Super comfortable! Let’s fold them and feature them so I’m not routinely reaching into the way way back down low of the bottomest drawer for my go-to clothes. It was high time to create a capsule collection for my life as it is.

What’s a capsule collection, you ask? It’s basically a subset of your clothes that you’re featuring. To create a personal capsule collection for a special period of time is a simple and rewarding task. What you get is a perfectly curated boutique created just for you, by you, (with a little help from the spectacular stylist Mellicia Marx). Your capsule collection ideally honors your style aspirations while simultaneously remaining grounded in the demands of your lifestyle.

I’m a big fan of matching outfits, so I freshened my capsule collection by adding some Marimekko whimsy to the mix. (Stay tuned for some cute overload family photos!) While I was waiting for my order to arrive in the mail, I boxed up all the stuff I’m not currently wearing. That is: anything that’s too small, too big, too tight, fancy or fussy, anything for winter, and anything that’s not easily laundered or breastfeeding compatible. Clear the cobwebs! I’ll be happy to rediscover those treasures later when it’s time to integrate back into the workplace. Finally, I folded (Mari Kondo style) and placed my chosen items (yoga clothes, nursing bras, along with the fun new cotton prints…) in beautiful bento box display.

Suddenly it’s fun and easy to get dressed for success. Everything fits. Everything is compatible with my needs. I’m not confronted with clothes that don’t fit and That I can’t wear today. I don’t have to wade through or weed out the wardrobe to find the gems. They all work and support my day-to-day parenting in style. Now, I’m all dressed up with no place to go! Well, ready, set, phase 1.5 Seattle! Let’s make the world a brighter place for all of our children, one gorgeous, courageous smile at a time.

The Lake Twenty-two Trail in the Mt. baker Snoqualmie National Forest is so lush and relaxing we had to return… and bring the boys too. The whole family piled into the Egg and drove back out to the Mountain Loop Highway. This time, knowing how popular the hike is, we woke up early to get ahead of most of the teens with amplified base strapped to their packs. The trail crew had been there and cut out all the blow downs we had navigated around last week. Feels to good to be in the mountains and to breathe the mountain air.

Lake loved it. He did great with all 2.7 miles of trail up to the lake… and back! Sometimes we were hiking through little rivers, and sometimes the rocks we were navigating were taller than his legs. He was a “proffy” [professional] hiker! Vivien told him that and he kept repeating it as he skipped, ran and jumped along the trail. He alone among us was not totally bushed at the end of this perfect day!

Lake is telling jokes. Michael compliments him on being a funny guy.

I start chiming in about how hard Lake is working at being funny. The harder you work at it, the funnier you get. Michael interjects that it helps if you’re innately funny. Then you have a better chance at becoming really funny. And he continues that Lake is inherently funny. He’s got the bones of the joke and the timing… Yes, you really work hard at your job of entertaining, Lake, I counter.

I’m trying hard to get Michael’s attention to emphasize “growth mindset” without having to directly discuss it in front of Lake. My subtlety is not transmitting the distinction. I finally nudge Michael, “pssst, growth mindset, please!”

Lake is immediately interested.

“Lady Kitty sure has a growth mindset”, Michael says. He winks. “She tries really hard to get you to feed her so she can grow. Pure growth mindset, that one!”

Not having preconceptions about the phrase “growth mindset” Michael was able to come up with a witticism. The principle is worth sharing though. I first became familiar with the psychology concept of “growth mindset” reading The Danish Way of Parenting: What the Happiest People in the World Know About Raising Confidant, Capable Kids by Jessica Joelle Alexander and Iben Dissing Sandahl. A very good read. Not too long. I highly recommend it. In Chapter 3: “A is for Authenticity” the authors introduce the Stanford researcher Carol S Dweck who coined the term. Her body of work shows the importance of praising effort over ability in building children’s resilience, perseverance, engagement, confidence, ability to stay calm under pressure, and ultimately how far they will excel. The type of praise children hear builds the framework for how they perceive themselves, their abilities and determines how far they will be willing to take on challenges where they may have to risk failure. It influences how far they go in their life’s work and successes. She calls this growth mindset and distinguishes it from fixed mindset. The distinguishing feature of growth mindset is “process praise.” Hence, my sensitivity to Lake thinking he’s a funny guy versus he works hard at being funny.

Lake is more likely to be insecure and stopped by fear of judgment if he’s been made to believe he’s a funny guy. Since it’s an immutable qualifier, he’ll be worried that he might not be funny after all and stop trying. Whereas he’ll be more interested in being creative and trying to reach new levels of hilarity if he’s got the (correct) idea that qualities are qualities are expanded by practicing. And my, we want Lake to be not only resilient, but also maximally funny!

My husband has a super power. He is adept at assessing people’s character and crystalizing nebulous problems. When I point this out, he demurs. Recently I asked him for some relationship advice. Not my own. Obviously.

This was his solid advice:

1. Be kind.

2. Let it all go.

3. Start practicing #1 and #2 and keep on doing that every day forever. The silver lining is that you should be doing this anyways. This is the work of being a human.

4. Find workarounds for everything that you can. If you don’t like the way she drives the car, get her her own car and stay out of it; she is 100% responsible for her car.

5. Later, much later, when a bank of trust has accumulated in the relationship, you can start talking about stuff again.

It was after curfew. (Seattle has a 6pm curfew this week. These are indeed strange times.) I didn’t think that applied to our afternoon walk. We were out and about in the neighborhood, heading down to the “spinning chair” park. We passed a low growing Japanese maple.

“Is this a maple tree?” asked Lake.

“Yes, it’s a Japanese maple,” I answered.

“Will it grow maple syrup?”

Lake: I’m eating so much balanced food my head is popping off my neck!

Lake is back in the house! Let the good times roll, Lady Kitty. Your big brother is four years old (“just out of four”) and hilarious. He’s clearly been at Nana and Baba’s for a week. His hair is freshly cut and he’s discussing a balanced diet at the dinner table. Notable that he organized his own birthday trip: that he wanted to go, when he wanted to go, and when he was coming back home (he missed his family… “all of my family”). He was most excited about driving through the creek with Baba. The experience exceeded expectations.

Thank you, Nana and Baba for the special birthday present of your presence. Welcome home, überbalanced Lakelove!

The day started out bright as summer, and then rapidly darkened as a thunderstorm rolled in. I could see the lightning even with my eyes closed and heard the thunder growling. I opened the blinds to take it all in as the rain began to flood down. I could even feel the rain splashing on me through the window. As it happened I was dripping breast milk, but it could have been rain, or tears falling out of my eyes from a heart tugged open. I tasted the drops. The taste is surprisingly sweet like warm marshmallow milk.

My heart is aching for the nation, for the friends and family of George Floyd, and for those traumatized by the events of George Floyd’s disturbing and tragic death. So much time has passed and seemingly so little with regard to racial police brutality has changed since Rodney King was relentlessly beaten at the hands of four police officers when I was in middle school. A year later the officers were aquitted by a predominantly white jury, inciting those citywide riots that are burned into my memory. “People, I just want to say, can’t we all get along? Can’t we all get along?” pleaded the woke Mr. King on the third day of the 1992 Los Angeles riots. Black lives matter. Why is that a hard one to reconcile and move forward with the important task of mitigating global socioeconomic inequities, the viral pandemic, pollution, and climate change? Why systemic hatred? Why hatred? Why greed? Why arrogance? This is what I repeatedly tell my son regarding bullies, “they just didn’t get enough love when they were little.” So I’m doing my best to love my children as much as my blood sweat milk and tears allow.

Tonight I’m holding a candlelight vigil at home, amidst city order of 5pm to 5am curfew and state order of Stay Home Stay Healthy. Meanwhile the sky weeps tears all day and into this night of unremitting rain. Somehow it’s still a perfect day, I reflect, as I share hot chocolate, marshmallow cuddle milks and my love with Lady Kitty by the fire.

Lake is four! We went on a hike to Lake Twenty-Two to celebrate. Vivien and Lady Kitty and I. It was a perfect day.

Meanwhile the birthday boy is celebrating with Nanababa in Quinault. They’re off the grid out at Big Creek eating birthday cake and having a great adventure, surely. He was very excited that he was going to get to drive the truck through the creek with Baba. That’s the kind of present and parties this four year old loves. Getting to see Nana after two months of quarantine was the best gift ever.

Back in Seattle packages keep showing up at our doorstep. Lots more presents and love are waiting patiently for when you get back home, Lake.

We love you, Lake! You’re perfectly delightful. Four years old… and such a bright, engaging and entertaining guy! You’re always with me. I carry you around in my heart. Happy Birthday!

Lady Kitty just rolled over for the first time today! She took care of business and met her milestone. No procrastination or laziness on her part. Then she kept doing it at least 10 times! I would turn her over onto her back and she would roll over onto her tummy again. She must have been enjoying herself. Keeping busy. Let the good times roll!

Nice work, Lady Kitty! Keep it up. You’re on a roll!