41 weeks

It’s 41 weeks with Baby Sister on board. Still pregnant! It’s inevitably nearing the conclusion though of our time together in cozy symbiosis. Yes, I think I get just as much from being pregnant with her as she does from gaining life from me. Lake is excited to have NanaBaba in residence. He’s so thrilled he trucked down to the apartment this morning at 7am wearing his pajamas and carrying his Uggs. He put them on to keep his feet cozy, then jumped into bed with NanaBaba. He’s gearing up for the household change (we think).

Lake has said on multiple occasions he’s going to be a super helpful big brother because babies are a lot of work.

“When she wakes up in the night I’m going to wake up, go in to the hallway, pick her up out of her basket. I’m going to bring her in to your room mama for milkies.”

In practice, we will see. Nana thinks he’s beginning to show signs of jealousy with the purchase of yet another item of clothing for Baby Sister. He thought we had enough! Here’s the guy who invented the response to each admittedly precious addition to Baby Sister’s wardrobe: “too cute for words!” We will see.

Here he is out with Vivi in Ballard at the Sunday market, bringing Mama home a beautiful vegan-gluten-free lemon cookie. Yum. Such a sweetheart. Looks like he’s going to be an exceptional big brother.

Have a cookie mama!

Zwischenzeit

Our doula Meghan Heather Ford just sent me a poignant article The Last Days of Pregnancy: a place of in-between by Jana Studelska CPM/LM published in Mothering Magazine on 4/10/2012 (https://www.mothering.com/articles/the-last-days-of-pregnancy-a-place-of-in-between/). It brought me to a weeping state. It is such a tender time, preparing for the epic process of birth. Now at 40 weeks and counting, all the nesting and baby preparations are complete. It’s trusting the process, that “my baby knows when and my body knows how.” It’s a time of slow walks, shared moments of presence with Lake and Michael. Nothing is taken for granted. Nothing will ever be the same. It is a deeply spiritual time, palpable with opportunity. It is the in-between time, or interim: zwischenzeit, in German. In a culture that has little patience for waiting in general , and is specifically quick to schedule inductions and surgical extractions, it’s a form of rare gem, a radical and transformative act, to create space around this intimate time, to sink in to the zwischen and allow it time to unfold. I’m blessed to have a supportive team at UWMC Northwest, lead by Dr. Ali Lewis MD who respects the natural process. Mama, Little Sister cozy in utero, and loving family all poised on the cusp of the upcoming labor, birth, new-mothering/parenting/big-brothering/grandparenting/au pairing. Our family is growing!

To mark the occasion of the due date ( by serendipity, yet a lovely act of hygge) We had a lovely adventure with Chamonix Penelopy Browne of The Happy Film Company at Discovery Park yesterday at 40 weeks yesterday morning. It was a beautiful morning, some sun flirted with us from 7:30-8am on our drive over, warming the air above the bluff so one arrived, although the sun tucked under a dark bank of grey clouds, we were not freezing and were able to run and play with some abandon. Lake had me running and romping with him like I hadn’t done since late summer!

These last days are perfect days, like pearls on a strand of unknown length. I’m so glad I’m spending them with you. Sweet sweet zwischenzeit…

Poised to Dive In

Today is the official estimated date of delivery of Baby Sister. As the day closes on a full and energetic roster of activities, Baby Sister remains cozily in utero. The afternoon gifted a Nice lovely walk around Greenlake with friend and neighbor Maya! Such a pretty day! I’m giddy with sunshine and lack of pain! The 40 week walk around Greenlake… what a treat to be able to ambulate newly free of debilitating sciatica and enjoy the fresh wintery sunshine- pregnant with the promise of spring and new life!

A perfect day, I’m glad I spent it with you Baby Sister. Come when you are ready, we’re here for you. Poised to dive in!

Plus Onederful

How are you feeling… at 40 weeks? Feeling plus onderful! The sunshine and some lifting of the irksome sciatica inspired me to go out for a walk. So in true Tolle fashion I bicycled down to Greenlake to walk around the lake- a popular activity for all of North Seattle when the sun comes out. Especially after the darkest rainiest past month on record! It was a beautiful day and I was the slowest one out there- completing my 5 km circuit in 1.5 hours, after clocking in consistently at 30 minute miles. Nonetheless, feeling plus onederful… poised on the cusp of a major life event and life change, pregnant with possibly!

Meanwhile, I Lake and I are fitting in our cuddle time and gearing up for the addition of my new plus one.

Lake is game to try on some “fancy clothes” and test out nature organic boy modeling with Chamonix Penelope Browne of The Happy Film Company. Stay tuned…

A perfect day! I’m glad I spent it with you!

Roaring Twenties

Baba pointed out that we’re once more in the roaring twenties! Today he reported on an earlier adventure from Tuesday with Lake and Nana (Lynn). The three of them went for a day trip on the train from Olympia to Centralia and back. That was the plan.

We had a blast alright!  First,  freight trains came blasting by our station.  And I mean blasting!  Three engines on front, two on the back, and 100+ cars, and they never slowed down.  Must be going 60!  When we caught our mild passenger train we found that it was going all the way to Los Angeles.  Towards the end of our run,  Lynn and Lake take off to explore the other cars.  We start slowing for Centralia, and pull to a stop at the station.  No sign of the kids.  I get off.  Still no sign.  Turns out, they didn’t know we were stopped.  Clueless.  

Meanwhile on the station platform the conductor is waiting for three passengers to disembark.  He looks at his clipboard.   He looks at me.  “Are you Duane?”    “Yes”      “So……..(looks back at his clipboard)…….we need Lynn and Lake.”  His assistant speaks into his radio [loudspeaker], “Lynn and Lake,  this is your stop.   You need to get off the train!”  

The ending, which you could pretty much guess:  the kids both heard their names on the overhead speakers and came blasting back through the cars to their seats and their backpacks, and then scurried down the narrow stairway and suddenly appeared, Lake fairly leaping off the train onto the platform.   As in “Safe”…..no problem here.      

PS     On the ride back to the Olympia Lacey Station,  both travelers stayed close to their bags and their seats during the 20 minute ride, and paid good attention to their stop when the train began to slow down.

Too much fun in the roaring 20’s with NanaBaba! All’s well that ends well, as the saying goes. A perfect day, I’m glad I spent it with you.

Das Kind kommt bald

We’re getting good and ready! NanaBaba generously have Lake this week while Vivien is enjoying the island life on Maui, rocking her new bikinis and enjoying a babymoon of her own. This leaves Michael and me to settle in to the coming of the babbette, and to savor each other’s company with fewer competing demands on our attention.

They say each child is different and each pregnancy is different. In my experience so far this is true to some extent. There are common elements to the pregnancy, and a few different challenges. Common elements have been the joy, glow and increased propensity for naps and need to retire early to sleep. The main difference is that my belly is huge and something or someone is pressing on my sciatic nerve making walking excruciatingly painful. The late stages’ debilitating sciatica of this pregnancy have been very challenging since this Mama is someone who so loves to walk and be active!

The silver lining I suppose is that it forced me (through tears!) to slow down and take a break. Now I’m on temporary disability for the last few days/weeks until Lakelette is born. I’m able to rest and nest and channel the cats: lying fireside, eating, sleeping, resting, stretching, meditating and going outside intermittently for some fresh air.

The feline energy is a very good teacher for getting into parasympathetic mode. Baby Sister and I are doing what we can to prepare for the next big evolution in our relationship. Overall we are feeling incredibly blessed. These are perfect days to spend so intentionally together with you.

Showered

Primarily Bridget and Rachel (my core support through pharmacy school and beyond), together with the love of Family (Nana, Jamma Julie, cousin Naomi, and “uncle” Clarence) hosted the most elegant and fun baby shower for Baby Sister and me. We were truly honored and feeling fully blessed. The festivities were enjoyed by all! Delicious gluten-free vegan cake from Flying Apron custom compliments of and hand decorated by Jamma Julie; Crumble and Flake croissants compliments of Clarence; custom catering by Nana; mimosas, tea, gorgeous flowers and gorgeous gracious hosting by Bridget (the generosity! The chairs! the views! the weather!); invitations, games and luxe glassybaby prizes by Rachel. It was a truly lovely occasion.

A full belly and a full heart!

Many Many thanks for the friends and family both present and otherwise engaged that shower our family and our coming bundle of baby Sister joy on an ongoing basis. This event felt like an a encapsulation of a whole culture of love. It takes a village, as the saying goes! A perfect shower, a perfect day; I’m glad I spent it with you!

Tolle with co-hosts Bridget, Nina, and Rachel

Unconditional Love

“Lake, I love you all the time. I love you even when I’m not with you. I love you even when you’re sleeping. I love you even when I’m frustrated. I love you always. You’re living in my heart.”

This statement I felt moved to make the other day. He and I have had a special three and a half years together so far, and he’s getting so big and wise and talkative these days. A glimpse back for perspective when he was 2 and a half months:

Historical photo from 8/16/16

Then after I made my recent proclamation of love he asked me, “Mama, do you love me even when I’m breaking glass?” He asked me while eyeing our large antique glass cabinet with heavy with heirloom glassware. “Yes of course I do! I quickly retorted. “So, there’s absolutely no need to go testing it out!”

“Mama, I love you even when you’re breaking my things.” Wow, this little guy. I’m not the perfect mama, but I cannot recall any instances where I broke some of Lake’s things. Anyhow, he’s seemingly got the concept of unconditional love.

Mama is now nearly 38 weeks pregnant, and debilitating sciatica has intruded on our sweet domestic bliss. Emergency reinforcements have been called in and Jamma Julie is now comfortably and aptly installed in the mother-in-law apartment.

Last night Jamma Julie made us a delicious baked chicken dinner. Lake pulled out his endearing “I love you so much Jamma Julie. I can’t even stop loving you,” trick. She quips back: “you love me because I baked you a chicken!”

“No, that’s not right,” Lake argued back. “I don’t love you because of that.”

“So you’d love me even if I couldn’t bake you a chicken?” she asks, seeking clarification.

Lake confirmed that is the case. He really grasps and owns the unconditional love concept. He invented it.

And, here he is, the charmer, posing for a selfie with Vivien. We all love you too, Lake. No strings attached. A perfect day, I’m glad I spent it with you!